


Alimento Mori

by Airplanes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Other, POV First Person, Please Don't Hate Me, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4426718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airplanes/pseuds/Airplanes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His eyes spoke of sorrows that you would never get a chance to know.</p><p>Written for a challenge where I had to omit the word "the". Harder than I thought, honestly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alimento Mori

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [D4tDCP](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/D4tDCP) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>    
> Describe a time with the corporal in which you (or anyone, really) and he are spending time together as sort-of-more-than-friends-but-not-really.

There was no need for words with him, his eyes spoke volumes all on their own.

Sometimes they'd glinted a  _certain_  way in  _certain_  light, and he'd squint a little bit in annoyance, letting out an imperceptible sigh. My breath would catch and he'd turn to me, raising a brow in question -  _okay over there? -_  I'd shrug and his eyes would narrow in suspicion for a second, until his face relaxed - as much as it could while he was awake, at least. He'd lean back in his leather chair and close his eyes - it was both a surprise and an honor when he did it his first time - before he drifted into a state of minimal consciousness.

He  _deserves_  it, too. Humanity's Strongest was still just that - human - and as far as he'd told me, he only got an average of four hours' sleep a night. Seeing him take even a small break was a relief, especially because he'd still limp every so often and I'd noticed a strange stiffness in his back when he sat. To make sure he'd stay in a state where his eyebrows un-furrowed for as long as possible, I'd pull his door shut, lock it, and close his curtains.

At this point, he would open one eye just barely, watching as I made his room as comfortable as possible for him. During all this, there wouldn't be a word exchanged between us, just a silent agreement.

But one time, he actually spoke.

"[Last]," I'd frozen as I was straightening out some papers on his desk, "What are you doing?"

"Hm?" I made a sound, "Oh, nothing, just making it a tad easier for you to rest." Honesty was always my  _best_  possible policy with him.

"I shouldn't be slacking like this - you vixen, this is your influence." His voice was quiet and held no actual anger in it, "Our upcoming expedition requires my-"

"I can do it for you." Straightening a final stack of papers, I placed them in order of importance. "I know how you work, anyway. And I'm pretty good at forging your signature." That last part was only half a joke, I'd done it before.

His silence told me he was considering it, "...no. I must do it myself, I need to know exactly where-"

"You already know, Levi." I said. "Plus, you need sleep. I know that these few days leading up to expeditions are bad for you, see? You're white as a sheet." Even though, a smile tugged at a corner of my lips, because his body was still relaxed and his eyes were still closed. I rounded his desk and knelt in front of him, tapping his boot.

"Don't be such a Harridan,  _dear_ , please-" I gasped, offended, but my slight anger dissipated as an uncharacteristic smile graced his face. As soon as I saw it, though, it was gone. My face flushed a bit and briefly, I wondered if it was ever there.

His head lolled to one side slightly, and he opened his eyes a bit to gaze down at me. I cleared my throat and, as hard as it was for some reason, I'd met his eyes.

I'd always wondered why everyone called his eyes cold, because in that moment - sunlight streaming in from windows I had yet to cover, a golden hue falling over his surprisingly delicate features, all I felt was warmth. He reached down and held one of my remaining lengths of hair, twirling it between his fingers and I take a rare opportunity to examine his face, unabashed.

I wasn't kidding when I'd told him he was paler than usual - it was made even more obvious by heavy shadows under his eyes. Something  _told_  me that more was on his mind.

A sigh escaped my lips. "Levi, just rest a little. Relax!" I said, massaging his calf lightly as I undid a strap on his thigh. He frowned a bit, and his brow furrowed at me. A shift in mood made me stop short, peering up at him, nervous.

"I can't do this anymore." His voice is quiet, I had to concentrate to hear him.

"Do what?" I whispered right back. My heart was beating louder than usual in my ears.

"You know what. Either one of us could die any day - I..." He looks to his left, closing his eyes as a pained expression crosses his face, "I  _can't_  do this."

"Levi." I forced him to meet my eyes again with a hand on his chin, gentle, but firm enough to get him to obey. "We're going to get through this. What have I said before, huh?" A smile graces my face, "It's better to live now - if we lose each other tomorrow, it'll hurt either way, yes?" He nods, sighing, "No matter how short-lived we are - us, as a unit, I mean - this has brought me  _so much joy_ , Levi. I don't want to die, regretting us having ended."

He'd rolled his lips into his mouth, and I let go of him. "Okay."

"Do you trust me?"

"I do."

"Do you trust  _yourself?_ "

"...no." His answer had made me pause.

"I do." My voice was determined, "I do, and you'll come back to me. You always do."

 

 

[Listen to this, if you want.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WVxdt5kWzE&ab_channel=DavidSoMusic)

 

 

My words had been so  _sure_  of themselves.

Now, Levi's eyes looked more expressive than I had ever seen them. I raised a bloody hand, but he pushed it down before I could touch him.

"No, no, don't move," His voice cracks and his tongue darts out to wet his lips. I let out a laugh, hard as it was, at his facade. He was trying to stay calm for my sake, but I saw tears gathering in his eyes.

"You need to get out of here." I say, glancing to my side. "Titans are going to get here any min-"

"Why are you doing this to me?" His brows crease and I frown, "Just shut up for a minute, okay?" His voice is barely a whisper as he pulls me onto his lap, my head falling onto his shoulder.

"Your pants will get dirty," I protest lightly. A choked sob escapes his throat and he buries his face in my hair. I gasp lightly as his sudden movement makes pain shoot up my spine.

"I'm _so_  sorry..." He says in a whisper.

"Don't be silly, Levi." I smile softly, "I'll be okay." I manage, somehow, to drag my hand to his face, offering him any comfort I could.

"How could you do this to me?" He rocks us side-to-side, "I can't - you have to..." He's showing a brief moment of weakness, one he rarely shows to even me, and I shush him quietly.

"Just...  _pretend_ , for me?" I say, "Just for a moment. Pretend that we did it, please?" My vision is dimming, and darkness is seeping in quickly, but I keep my palm on his face.

"I  _can't_ , please don't make me do this..." His voice is desperate, hoarse, and my heart breaks for him. " _Don't leave me._ " He hiccups and his arms around me squeeze tighter, making more pain shoot up my spine and spots dance in my vision.

I relent. Maybe he deserves this moment of grievance more than I do one of fantasies that will never be fulfilled, right?  _Maybe humanity's strongest deserves to be weak, even if just for a minute_.

My hand falls to a mix of blood and dirt below, but he clutches it with too-tight fingers, as if holding me will make his problems disappear. I hold his hand right back.

So he cradles me in his arms for my final moments, and sobs.

"Look at me?" I ask weakly. He shakes his head, I feel it on my shoulder. "Levi."

Slowly, too slowly, he complies. Our eyes meet and I offer him a smile.

"Was that so hard?" I say. He laughs, and I let out a tired chuckle with him. "I know I don't say this often..." My voice fades, but I clear my throat and force my words out, "...but," I think better of my words last-minute, seeing unspeakable pain in his eyes already, "But it's been an honor knowing you, Captain." Tears begin to cloud my vision, but I refuse to die crying.

He doesn't speak, instead conveying all that he needed to with those damned eyes of his. He searches my face, willing me to live with all he has, but my vision is darkening quickly and I can't manage to give him what he wants me to. I know that if our positions were switched, not much would be different.

Of course, I  _do_  love him, and I know he feels  _something_  back, but I will not finalize our relationship - to make it more than a close friendship - in my final moments, that's selfish. But he wants me to, he want me to validate any pain he'll have to go through, to make it  _worth_  something.

I care for him too much to do so, but am also selfish enough that I breathe into still air, " _Maybe next time_..."

It's a shame, though, really, that I'll never get to see those eyes again.

They're beautiful.[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WVxdt5kWzE&ab_channel=DavidSoMusic)


End file.
